1.  Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
  2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings".
  3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
  4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
  5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
  6. You should not confuse your career with your life.
  7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too
  8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
  9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
  10. Never lick a steak knife.
  11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
  12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
  13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
  14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
  15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.
  16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are better than the average drivers.
  17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
  18.  A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
  19.  Your friends love you anyway.


horizontal rule

Some more pithy quotations from the collection of Robert Noble:

bulletA government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul ..... George Bernard Shaw bulletThere are some things only intellectuals are crazy enough to believe .... George Orwell bulletScience is the orderly arrangement of what, at the moment, seems to be the facts ... annon bulletThe world does not need more Christian writers.  It needs more good writers who are Christians. .... CS Lewis bulletWhen ideas fail, words come in very handy.  .... Goethe bulletThe multitude of books is making us ignorant.  Voltaire bulletYour manuscript is both good and original; but the part tha6t is good is not original, and the part that is original is not good. ... Samuel Johnson horizontal rule

1 .. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't . 
2 .. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. 
3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. 
4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke . 
5.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. 
6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me 
7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder . 
8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe . 
9.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing. 
10... Out of my mind. Back in five minutes . 
11.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine. 
12.. God must love stupid people; He made so many. 
13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine. 
14.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. 
15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? 
16.. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it! 
17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up . 
18   Procrastinate Now! 
19.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That? 
20.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes. 
21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance. 
22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere! 
23.. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken . 
24 .. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD. 
25.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory. 
26 .. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig. 
27.. The trouble with life is there's no background music . 
28.. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson. 
29.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.