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Here's a rather bizarre little gadget that every sick mind can't be without:

Turd Twister  and, then there is politics  http://www.kinkyfriedman.com/race.html#Anchor-23142

and there's absurd inventions (like the one above) http://www.totallyabsurd.com/

And there is this, which I first saw as a very low grade Xerox (TM) copy back in the dark days

Today's flight age is an era highlighted with increasing emphasis on safety. Instrumentation in the cockpit and in the traffic control tower has reached new peaks of electronic perfection to assist the pilot during take-offs , flight , and landings. For whimsical contrast to these and other marvels of scientific flight engineering , it is perhaps opportune to remind pilots of the basic rules concerning the so-called Cat-and-Duck Method of Flight , just in case something goes wrong with any of these new-fangled flying instruments you find in today's aircraft.

Place a live cat on the cockpit floor. Because a cat always remains upright , he or she can be used in lieu of a needle and ball. Merely watch to see which way the cat leans to determine if a wing is low and , if so , which one.

The duck is used for the instrument approach and landing. Because any sensible duck will refuse to fly under instrument conditions, it is only necessary to hurl your duck out of the plane and follow her to the ground.

There are some limitations to the Cat-and-Duck Method, but by rigidly adhering to the following check list , a degree of success will be achieved.


Get a wide-awake cat. Most cats do not want to stand up at all, at any time. It may be necessary to get a large fierce dog in the cockpit to keep the cat at attention.
Make sure your cat is clean. Dirty cats will spend all their time washing. Trying to follow a cat licking itself usually results in a tight snap roll, followed by an inverted (or flat) spin. You can see this is very unsanitary.
Old cats are best. Young cats have nine lives, but an old used-up cat with only one life left has just as much to lose an you do and will therefore be more dependable.
Beware of cowardly ducks. If the duck discovers that you are using the cat to stay upright - or straight and level- she will refuse to leave without the cat. Ducks are no better on instruments than you are.
Be sure the duck has good eyesight. Nearsighted ducks sometimes will go flogging off into the nearest hill. Very short-sighted ducks will not realize they have been thrown out and will descend to the ground in a sitting position. This maneuver is quite difficult to follow in an airplane.
Use land-loving ducks. It is very discouraging to break out and find yourself on final approach for some farm pound in Iowa. Also, the farmers there suffer from temporary insanity when chasing crows off their corn fields and will shoot anything that flies.
Choose your duck carefully. It is easy to confuse ducks with geese because many water birds look alike. While they are very competent instrument flyers , geese seldom want to go in the same direction you do. If your duck heads off for the Okefenokee Swamp, you may be sure you have been given the goose.

And this, which was handed to me by an IBM engineer when we worked together on a large project

Mouse balls are now available as FRU (field replacement units) therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement.

Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel. Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse.
Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. 

Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method.
Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method.
Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge.
Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended that each engineer have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction.
Any customer missing his balls should suspect local personnel of removing these necessary items.

And then there is the 747 runaway seat procedure, what I recall is that it is very close to the text below, but I read it long before the Concorde was flying.  The copy I had (have?) was on Boeing flight manual pages.  I was told by flight test engineers who ought to know that the genesis was a real incident in which a switch jammed and the seat went full forward and then full up.

Initial Action: Determine which seat is running away. During the stress of routine operations, it is possible to mistake which seat is running away. Example: if the captain’s seat is out of control forward, it shall appear to the captain that the first officer’s is running backwards. This is a common form of disorientation and will only last until the captain is emasculated on the control column. Do not disengage the autopilot at this time as a violent pitch down will result. In order to determine which seat is the runaway, suggested procedure is to awaken the flight engineer for trouble shooting.
Silence Aural Warnings: With the advent of a runaway seat, crew members describe noises of a low rumbling nature, followed by the words “Jesus, my seat is out of control,” followed by a piercing scream of increasing intensity and pitch, especially in the case of forward runaways. As with all emergencies and in order to comply with regulations, the first officer will silence the aural warnings by clamping a hand over the captain’s mouth and advise, “captains mouth — shut.” From this point on, refer to the checklist located on the underside of the captain’s seat cushion.
Jammed Balls: Should the seat runaway in the forward mode, the ball bearings will interlock and jam the seat when it is four inches from the control panel. The seat will then be stuck in the forward position and will travel no further forward, but begin traveling up in a vertical mode. The captain will advise crew, “I have jammed ball,” the flight engineer will immediately refer to the Captain’s Jammed Balls Checklist located in the aft lavatory. It is imperative that the crew check for control column damage at this time. If the control column is broken, the crew will immediately advise dispatch that the captain has a broken stick and jammed balls.
Circuit Breaker — Pull: The flight engineer will at this time pull the appropriate circuit breaker to prevent the seat from running up further in the vertical mode which could cause the bearings to overheat and and possibly result in a ball burst. This would necessitate the use of the Broken Ball Checklist. Since the engineer can rarely find the correct CB, it is suggested that any CB be picked at random and pulled, so as not to delay completion of the checklist. Example: Pull #1 CB; captains position will prevent him from cross-checking this step.
Fire, Check: When the seat bearings jam and stop forward seat travel, the electric motor may short out and start a fire under the captain, resulting in a captain’s lower aft body overheat. The flight engineer will immediately advise the captain of the fire, to which the captain will reply, “Fire, my butt.”
Seat up — Up: Should the seat continue to run away in the vertical mode, the first officer will advise “seat up,” to which the captain will reply “molxjrmne craxmby.” Captains reply will vary with height to which his seat has risen. It is suggested procedure to place a pillow on the captain’s head and land at the nearest suitable airport.
(To Fly the Concorde, by Ken Larsen, Tab Books, Inc, Blue Ridge Summit, PA, 1982, ISBN 0-8306-2342-6)